had to bail. she had her cat tattooed on her
she had a concussion and she still scored nine points higher than me on the midterm
Yeah, sam & jessica were trying to have sex and you walked in & started coaching them through it with a fake hulk hogan mustache on.
I'm drunk and you're awesome. let's stay this way forever.
Come on. I'll make you hot pockets. Literally and sexually.
It's stupid hot. I just want to be laying in a bathtub full of margaritas
I don't know what weirder, the fact that I flat out said "I thought I deleted you from facebook" or that she responded with "I just hacked your account and readded myself". Never thought I'd say this but I wish drunk me would stop making friends!
In the ER with Chelz, I may have broken her ankle during sex. Lovely.
I just used my VA prescription bottle of xanax to get a military discount at the liquor store. I win.
Only you could get away with that.
And thanks to you I'm pretty sure I'm banned from every qdoba in south carolina. And cab company
It's like my uterus was saying, "hey, you're not pregnant, but imagine if you were!"
Do you ever get high and look at your cat and feel like you know them on an intellectual level?
250 people in this lecture & my prof asks who already drank green beer this morning& is drunk right now. I WAS THE ONLY ONE TO RAISE MY HAND
I don't know where I keep finding these guys, but mi power bottoms es su power bottoms.
I don't think there's a ladylike way to tell this guy I want to sit on his face
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