Michael Jackson had a heart attack when he found out boyz to men was a music group not a delivery service.
I was also standing on my bed with a road cone pounding on the ceiling at 3am. Not sure why
he called me from germany to tell me about all the gummy bears he bought...i'm doubting his sobriety
All that matters is I got the megaphone home safely
They kept trying to slap each other but they were poring beer onto their hands first referring to it as their baby powder
the chips you spilled whiskey on is not the same thing as Irish breakfast potatoes
Topless dodge ball cldnt top that
Some cougar Brit said she loved me. America is bouncing back.
Do you participate in Sunday morning booty calls?
Dammit! I didn't see this message, of course I do.
Well you ended up trying to convince two Greek girls that you were Greek, but failed massively by shouting at them in Spanish, and then almost vomiting after taking way too much snuff. Maybe lay off the guinness next time?
Regardless of how one feels after a break up, whiskey must be consumed.
I'll get tired halfway through and end up passed out at a taco shack honestly
Remember that St. Patrick's Day when I fucked your married coworker in his truck and the whole bar was chanting for you "Don't fuck Mike"?! #TheLuckOfTheIrish 🍀
Straight up last night my mom was like josh you need to find a job that doesn't include the selling or transporting of drugs
we are currently pregaming for our walk to the liquor store.
step one: admitting you have a problem. complete.
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