Found a phone last night. Hope "daddy" gets picture messages
he said "cool" when i took off my bra and proceeded to stare wideeyed at them the ENTIRE time. it was like sleeping with the kid i showed my boobs to for the first time in 6th grade.
can you explain how you are here for one night and now my kitchen table is in 11 pieces..
i had to sit with a fan pointed directly to my vag for a good 10 minutes
We're discussing which museums we should go to when we shroom. How ill would Picasso be?
I've just stalked all the hot guys who have clicked "attending". I now know which guys are "yes", "maybe" and "no". I only hope my drunk self remembers.
I legitimately had a champagne shower last night at a rave. I was also carrying around two bananas in my pockets like guns. Drunk doesn't even. Begin to explain My night.
He snapchatted me the wine on the ceiling this morning
Someone broke in while we were at the bars, window is shattered but nothing got taken
Noone broke in, matt tried to pull a tyrese and punch through the window... were at the hospital.
Whatever, you're gonna have to break it to mom that the reason I was so drunk at Christmas dinner is because she wouldn't stop asking me why I don't have a boyfriend
How can I prove that I give 401k advice and not handjobs?
He's literally cuddling with the washer and dryer.
Considering what happened last night and how horrible I feel, I look amazing
Well, I like big penises but it's not like he walks around with it out or anything so yes I think he has beautiful eyes
I mean there are real risks associated with having unprotected sex, but I don’t think I need to worry about a ghost possessing me and having unprotected sex while using my body
Randomize
