The old woman next to me on the el smells like cupcakes...but she doesn't taste like cupcakes
No see this is how It goes: guys will fuck virgin girls. But girls don't really want to fuck virgin guys. So you're good have no fear.
Theres an amvulance here. It might be for me
Sudue. BIG CUP LOTS OF NOMNOMD TUOSPY
We are going to get clementines. And shoot them out of a ballon launcher. That's after we come up to the ivy with a bullhorn and reck havoc. Where are you.
I tell myself every day I shouldn't be friends with you
If he tries to stick his thumb up my butt again im going to rip his dick off with my vagina
I told you those kegels would come in handy one day
We just laid there in bed together, petting his dick and repeating, "IT FEELS LIKE VELVET!!!"
I just did a drunk experiment to find out what it looks like when you turn a burner on the stove on while wearing night-vision goggles. I may be blind in my right eye now.
.It's like gods test of willpower against vaginal comfort
My liver needs the occasional pep talk and a reminder that we are two weeks into freshman year of college.
While we were having sex he asked me if I wanted to get wingstop after. I think I found my future husband.
I just added Tubthumping to the playlist for tonight. This is going to make or break the party.
If I stopped drinking I'd have to take up murdering.
yeah, i'm probably gonna die. still gonna be totally worth it tho
Randomize
