I called the bartender Mr. Intoxication last night. He thought it was funny until i threw up and blamed it on him
I need like a "Cookong High for Idiots" book. Or a car.
Someone just asked me to go to the dining hall for dinner and he will use one of his swipes to pay for my meal. i think this is a college version of a date
just threw the rents a curveball by making french toast and bacon when i came home sober. good luck tellin when im high/drunk now.
You were so trashed that when you dropped your fruit rollup on the floor, you just sat next to it and cried.
there's unknown territories my dick was not made to discover
Woke up with string cheese braided into my hair- literally braided
He yelled out my full name in bed...I felt like I was being scolded.
You me handle of captain and a sorostitute study sesh, if we don't get laid mancards must be relinquished
I don't know how I'm going to know it's her, I only know what she looks like with a wig on
SHE COULD ALREADY BE HERE AND I WOULDN'T EVEN KNOW
My phone keeps autocorrecting to the "st. Natty's Day Parade" and I'm completely okay with that
Snow days are when you really appreciate that your neighbor is on your bang roster.
I can't hangout tonight, I have a phone sex appointment at 10
THERE'S MORE TO LIFE THAN JUST MISSIONARY
i woke up and couldnt remember who was in my bed and it was so dark.. i rolled over and started kissing him and feeling his face because hey... if the blind can see like that.. maybe i could too
Randomize
