Me too. Send a cab. Order food.
yeah well you didnt even puke from the alcohol. we cut you off and went to huck finn's and told you that the "irish cream" coffee creamers had baileys in it, so you shot down like eight of them and puked all over the floor. it was great. we cheered you on and everything
chasing schnapps with beer is a terrible idea. never been drunk at 3PM before. please help please please please please
Let's just go topless and paint glitter over our nipples who the fuck cares
he screamed PILLOW FIGHT and hit branden in the head with a pillow that had a fifth of vodka in it. then he asked why he wasnt laughing
I knew it was a good Wednesday night when I woke up tucked in to NOT my own bed with my beer helmet, an empty bottle of Jose, and a trash can placed in front of my face.. Happy 20th!
So this whole chlamydia situation totally puts a damper on my back to school sex schedule, there's just no way of knowing who of them was the perpetrator... Time for new candidates
Whiskey dick is like insurance for making bad decisions
Dude are you wearing a trashbag right now?....
I seemed to have misplaced my pants...
There. Isnt. A. Single. Person. Who. Is. Not. High. At. Church.
I just fell off a roof. So I'm kinda chillin for a minute.
She unfriended me on Facebook after I responded to her long love note with #demtittesdoe. Jager is the goddamned devil.
I'm hiding in the bathroom at the library but there are children here I just want to drunk cry in peace
I'm trying to be celibate. I'm having me time. I'm eating cake.
You called his parrot a seagull, a pigeon and a rat with wings, and told it to go eat Cheetos out of a dumpster.
Randomize
