My mom came into my room and told me to flip off the tv. I gave it the middle finger. Note to self: STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT
haha i think we're both just down to be fuck buddies..but i do have a hickey and a bit of a big lip and fucking burns on my knees..note to self hooking up on a golf course is NOT that exciting
Well, emily woke up in Hoboken, cati woke up in jersey city, and i woke up in brooklyn....and our hotel room we rented in the city remained empty. Best birthday yet.
maybe tonight we can turn coloring into a drinking game
last night they convinced you that a sharpie was a new style of chap stick... so when you wake up, you might want to do something about that
The cab driver had me sign for the payment and I was like give me a second while I throw up right outside your door.
I think after that blow job he got the other day he'd set himself on fire if I asked.
So hung over, I told one of the candidates she's hired if we can turn the lights off and take a nap instead of doing her interview. I feel like she has potential.
official rule: if your drunk, it doesn't count
then nothing in my life counts
Why did this happen to me why did I have to meet him if I could go back in time I never would have grabbed his dick
When we missed a fist bump and simultaneously did the Rocket Power handshake I knew I was going to blow him.
SOMETIMES YOU HAVE TO BLAST VANESSA CARLTON IN YOUR CAR AT MIDNIGHT TO FEEL AGAIN. IDK.
2015 is the year I FINALLY ALMOST had enough dick to satisfy me.
wyd
Laying here debating on if i want a sandwich or an orgasm.
So this ukranian guy got angry and took his clothes off. Now he has my credit card and I can't find my keys.
Randomize
