I was getting a bj with sports center on in the background
Da na na, na na naa
Ah I wish I was there to nurse you then clean up your piss-filled water bottles
for some reason the bedside piss missed the water bottle today
My stomach is making the worst sounds, probably because there is nothing but semen in it.
she's in the bathroom. spitting in the trashcan. not throwing up. just spitting and singing bad romance by lady gaga.
thatta girl
she has over 3,000 tagged photos on facebook. dont tell me she isnt annoying.
I'm more picky about my flip flops than the guys I sleep with
i offered her breakfast shots. she politely declined.
Why did you send me 12 pictures in a row of your expressionless face at 2:30 am?
I think the last straw was when you put on ice skates to go across the waxed wooden floor.
I'm staying at his house to solve the homeless situation. There's a freezer bag of weed in the fridge. He doesn't know it's there, and he's not missing it so I may have an income soon.
Dude... I had a dream that I was getting high for the first time. I got to experience my weedginity again. It was glorious.
She started snoring post sex, so I drunkenly walked 8 miles at 4am to go fishing. Please come pick me up
it wasnt that bad
you tried to climb into my fireplace while screaming TO DIAGON ALLEY! we didnt even watch harry potter. it was bad
My hands smell like vagina and ham.
I a very close black and white picture of my slightly erect penis and I blew it up put it in an art gallery for a show coming up and somebody bought it for 30 Grand!!!
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