She is in my trunk
i have a reoccuring irrational fear i'm going to walk in on my dad masterbating. Night.
His bookmark is a piece of toilet paper. No shame there.
Only your wife would write 'for deposit only' on the back of that $1500 check knowing full and well our capabilities of spending it on strippers and booze
Just threw the poptarts. Sgits boutta go Down. 1 liter of wine
He was taking the condom off and he turns to me and says, "You know how snakes can shed their skin?"
The couple that wants to take me home just paid the bartender $100 to pour tequila down my throat. I think I'm in some type of twilight zone where stds run rampant and the alcohol floweth
He tried to give me a shoulder massage while i peed in the neighbors bushes to "make it more relaxing."... I let him... That drunk
I think I should advise against you hooking up with a guy that throws "the shocker" up in all of his pictures on facebook. Just sayin.
Every FB picture she has looks like it's from the POV of the guy she's blowing
Can you come unlock the door? I just peed myself on the porch.
I can't believe he's mad at you for not remembering your fake anniversary.
These are the things that make me so grateful... that I slept with your sister instead.
Not to be gross and awkward, but I just had sex outside in the rain on the hood of a lexus
I just found a ladybug shell in my underwear. What was I doing last night?
Randomize
