I will be home in 10 min. Dont be beating off on the couch
enter at your own risk
Is showing up wearing the condom a bit presumptus
I just want to get to the point in our relationship where I can get on top of her and fart and we can both laugh...not just me.
Getting pregnant off pre-cum is like getting high off erasers
Ive made peace with the fact that i will accomplish nothing except liver damage today
Please delete that video of me blowing you. I will repay you with 100 blowjobs even better than the one I gave you during that video. Please. I am gonna be a grandma one day.
His grandma held his dogs so they wouldn't follow me out the door. It was like a whole new level added to my walk of shame.
You know how I know she's ugly? 97% of her profile pics are flowers or animals. And what do we know about pretty people and the Internet?
I'm not saying I would have to be high to sleep with him. I'm just saying it would probably help.
but I truly enjoy making out with my best friend more than my boyfriend
The chances of me making out with someone next weekend are about the same as me not remembering it.
Dude I swear I'm scooping human shit out of the litter boxes. What the fuck happened last night?
How did the date go? No fake eyeballs this time?
not sure if actually covered in glitter or just drunk
I’ve jerked off three times and taken five shits already today. Being hung over in your 40’s is a fucking roller coaster.
Randomize
