Yeh xou jao i ama wa7tdud !!
Oh my god. its not even twelve thirty and you are useless.
No, you dont understand, he literately fucked me into a new hairstyle, quite nice too.
We have video of him nailing the sex doll to my wall and putting all the monopoly pieces in her nose
basically theres shrimp everywhere. splattered on the walls, in the carpet, its bad. ohh theyre never gonna get the smell out.
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
I've got to stop giving the gift of vagina for every occasion. I'm exhausted.
So I'm at the VFW tonight and the shot special here is straight 151 for 2 dollars. They must hate our livers
sex in a tree stand. check.
you lucky bastard
So after tonight I now have 6 Harry Potter movies left to get laid to. Before tonight it was 8. Fucking right
Well I just put wine in my tea
She's cool and all but if she eats my food again I'm gonna fucking drop kick her ass. No one touches my lunchables. NO ONE.
Watching the blind side bc I need a good cry to make sure I'm still human after this weekend's questionable life choices
Please send pictures of any nice new years ladies you run across in town, as I've forgotten what women look like.
I'm literally in my bed still trying to find the energy to take my corset off so I can binge eat oreos
I need your help immediately! I sorta kinda sliced my foot off at the ankle with my new kitana. Bring your cooler, ice and some hospital road beers.
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