Will you still be my friend if I read and enjoyed Twilight?
No
he saw my emergency pass-out-in-the-bathroom-after-drunken-puking cot in the bathroom.
you have a cum towel under your bed, you're the definition of single
When are you comin back?
probably mid next week, depending on when i finish my remaining half gallons
i told them to call me paula dean as i was making all 10 for $10 boxes of pizza rolls in the microwave
I guess she thought her walk of shame would be more dignified if she stole my dog
Someday. I cant very well invite myself to his dorm room. And I'm 28. The excuses to be drunk and running into him at uconn are rather slim. Although I'm working on it.
I think it's starting to become crucial that I find a companion for my vagina.
I need a present that says please like me even though i'm banging your grandson
You know you're drunk when you're apologizing for your asshole at 4am to the toilet. Eat shit habanero bbq sauce, you've ruined my life.
She's walking to the bar while holding a fifth of fireball, talking on the phone and puking like its nothing out of the ordinary
Quick question—how good are you at digging holes? I mean, besides the one you've dug for yourself. asking for a friend
When I type "sleep" my phone suggests "with Trevor". My phones an asshole.
It was hands down the most magical fuck I've ever had
It was the only fuck you've ever had..
Dude. why do I feel like I am cheating on you every time I do shrooms?
Randomize
