we black-lighted her bedspread and it looked like a jackson pollock painting.
you googled " I want to buy a live ostrich". I'd say you were pretty wasted.
How can it be called memorial day weekend....I don't even remember this weekend
Today's lesson: while in the shower, one should choose between either drinking OR shaving. Not both.
we have 69 mutual friends...i have to add her
I think I'm getting too used to throwing up in the reception trash can. It doesn't even phase me anymore
when the song champagne showers came on you poured some kids beer over his head... while giving him a lap dance
There was a reason God said "Let there be titties" on the Fifth Day.
you'll probably come home to me baked as fuck and shirtless
This tequila is so bad I might cry. I won't Throw up but I might cry
In other news: I massively over-caffeinated this morning. Everything is vibrating and I can SEE THROUGH TIME
I swear to God if you start calling your dick “my pegasus” we’re not friends anymore
I threw up all of my purple drank and thats really important
Just made a drug contact standing in the sandwich line in the dining hall. Is this real life?
You're my fucking hero.
hey, just so we're clear, next time we go swimming drunk at my house, we have to use the floating chairs instead of my mattress. i'm not sure how to get it out of the pool.
Randomize
