Drunk in a bar in Texas. The 24 y/o hottie I am chatting up just called me a male cougar. I am dealing with this whole turning 40 thing juuuust fine.
he sent me a naked picture of himself. things got awkward really quickly. but on a positive note he shaved his chest
I can die happy now, I have been kicked out of strip clubs on six different continents
1. I feel like Jello 2. The girl i hooked up with last night isn't here and a different girl is lying next to me. 3. I have no clothes on 4. Can guys go on walks of shame?
She was pouring Goldschlager in my mouth during the shower sex. How can you NOT like her?
My chest smells like french fries. Get at me attractive men.
They said you bought the guy a shot and was talking about being Greek and then all of the sudden just puked all in their pitcher of beer and got kicked out of the bar.
If we had kids we couldn't come home, get high and watch porn together. And that's like the only reason I get up in the morning
woke up and somehow me leather belt got torn in half. either we partied with the hulk or some chick just could not wait to see my dick. probably the former tho
Do you ever look back on your life and think - man I should have never had sex with that guy
At least your nickname is not Plunge Slut and that nickname is not in a published thesis work
This is why you have to watch more Zombie movies- to prepare for End Times...
he told me that I'm basically going to be the mom of the house when they move in...i like to see it as being a MILF without the responsibility of real children
Riddle me this: why did I wake up next to a stuffed sword fish?
Well now I’m in the bathroom puking up absinthe so guess I beat myself up over it one way or the other
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