I woke up fully clothed on top of my sheets and i didnt even pee myself..so proud.
i have the juiciest gold medal in my pants
Yeah the sex got weird after I said "who's your daddy?" and she actually moaned her dads name.
"I could never have "feelings" for someone who, at one point, wanted to "hate fuck" my face."
Have you ever made a sandwich from swedish fish and tortilla chips?
look for us when you get to the club. we're the guys wearing snorkels.
I was actually high enough at that point that I was just casually following your glowing footsteps like in Avatar while we ran from the cops.
She was really fucking loud. My neighbors definetly knew my name...
what's the name of the guy at the bank you blew to get the lower interest rate?
um. wrong number, but good luck with your loan
Omg. I have a story to tell you later about that girl that just crawled on stage
Apparently I really was petting a bunny named lazarus in Jimmy Johns last night.
DROP EVERYTHING! Gatta go get tested for herpes, lets make an adventure out of it.
I gave the bike taxi guy a blowjob because I didn't have any cash. College.
This text constitutes a formal request for sexual congress under the terms of our Relationship Agreement.
Awww I'm so proud! Starting friendships before you hook up!
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