hey remember that time we got really drunk, you tried to find narnia in my refrigerator and passed out in the freezer drawer??
no.
I will give you vagina for bag of have'a corn chips.
so after six weeks of dating she admitted shes bi and asked if it would freak me out if we brought another girl into the bedroom. i said no in this hesitant voice and she said 'if you let me dont worry ill make it up to you'
i literally fucking hate you so fucking much.
I would like to add..this is the first november for two years that i haven't cheated on a bf...thank you..thank you
I woke up with cheeseburger in my mouth and a deep sense of accomplishment.
Can I just say that you're probably one of my favorite people to have sex with and then eat hummus with at 3:45am?
Just called my dad drunk from bed to ask for bacon.. my niece texted me when it was ready.. i'm never moving out
Just an FYI if we break up I'm going to sleep with your cousin or who ever my dealer is.
i want to shrink myself down to penis size, climb inside of her pussy and just live there for a few months.
WHO ARE THESE GUYS WHY AN ORGRY ON A MONDAY LMAO
I have drunkenly angered a family of raccoons. Please send help immediately.
He ate me out while I finished season 1 of Stranger Things. If that's not a modern day relationship goal, then I don't know what is.
What doesn't this kid understand that our relationship is not going past the blacked out blowjob I gave him on his birthday?
Promise me if ever I think I can't do anything, remind me that I waxed my own butthole
Sextember may be over, but Cocktober is just beginning!!!
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