2 bagels in my tummy and my herpes on my mind
I'm not sure where but someone shit somewhere in the house
Karaoke into a bottle of boones. dear summer in alabama, glad to see you again.
why is there cat hair all over my deoderant?
she wanted to smell more freshershest than you.
i would bitch about being this hungover, but honestly im just happy to be alive after this weekend
Caught in the act of lying. Lipstick literally all over his dick. He tried to make some story about darkwing duck or some shit but failed to realize he is a complete moron.
Our foot and a bit height difference is kinda fun, except she's so tiny that after we ate burritos it looked like she was pregnant. I had a confusing bonner.
I've got a 90 day supply of amoxicillin in case of zombie or chlamydia outbreak
he had shaved armpits. I repeat: HE SHAVED. HIS. ARMPITS! First hookup of 2014 and it's with a weirdo. Alcohol:1 Me:0
She's like the King Midas of sexual confusion. Everything she touches turns to gay.
he has the ass of a greek god and he made me breakfast
so i woke up at six am and his bathroom was flooded. i think i fucked shit up in my sleep.
He was so drunk we almost didn't even make it to his place because he didn't know where he lived
The best part about theater chicks is nothing is too cliche or out of line. I just fucked her Braveheart style in my entry way while saying goodbye.
A girl I had a drunken hook up with is on interventon right now
Randomize
