Hey, kurt drew a penis on you and wrote my innotals. I had nothing to do a/ that.
The good thing about walking home in a dress on sunday morning is that people mistake my walk of shame as a walk to God.
First off: I'm drunk so fuck you. Second: you weren't a bad girlfriend. Tres: thats 3 in spanish. Number 4: fuck 3 Doors Down
Saying he's good in bed would be like saying Soulja Boy is a good rapper, completely unlogical if you've heard him.
you were stumbling around in your attic looking for all your swim team medals because you wanted to "feel like a champion."
He legit pounded my cooking wine, because he was to cheap to buy beer. He is so not getting any.
we've been together for three years, and i still get excited when i know i'm going to give him a blow job. it's that kind of love
truck drivers should not leave their trucks unlocked with cigarettes inside when we're drunk and walking around.
she is legit wearing a plastic bag around her neck as a necklace. she says it serves two purposes.
First night sober since New Years. I'm not sure what hurts more, the hangover or the credit dread when I find out what the tickets to Bali actually cost.
I spent 10 minutes contemplating condensation on grapes this morning.
Fun times on public transportation. I just had a guy imply that I was racist cause I didn't want to talk to him when I was clearly reading my book and he was clearly on coke.
WHEN YOU HAVE SEX WITH A GUY FROM A DIFFERENT COUNTRY YOURE SUPPOSED TO NEVER SEE THEM AGAIN
He stumbled out of their hotel room and yelled, "I'M ON A STATEWIDE TOUR. I'VE BEEN IN KENTUCKY AND OKLAHOMA."
Grumpy Cat is dead and fuck EVERYTHING.
Randomize
