well look at the bright side
maybe you can be on an episode of "I Didn't Know I Was Pregnant"
separated laundry into 'got laid' and 'didn't get laid' piles.
Definitely just said "no homo" to our gay waiter at Cheesecake Factory...our service has steadily declined since.
He needs to respect me before he can fuck me with cat ears on.
I'm drinking wine alone, eating leftovers, and cleaning my sex toys. For the love of god, do not graduate.
I puked on myself in front of a customer. all. over. myself. thanks Saturday nights
I feel like you guys are talking about real things and have real problems and I'm just over here like 'should I take muscle relaxers or get drunk tonight?'
I want this pizza in and around my mouth forever..
I think that's why god made me a woman. Bc it's harder to slap people in the face with a vagina.
Lesson: Never rollerskate with a 40 in your hand unless you have a destination.
I'm definitely closer to having sex in every building on campus than I am to having a post-graduation career/plan/future. Unless that future is getting fucked in lots of buildings. I got that shit on lock down.
All I want is a hot dog on a Saturday at 2:19 is that to much to ask?!
Dude, exfoliate your balls. you'll thank me later.
I just woke up, its 6AM and i'm pretty sure the guy passed out next to me is 70% ugly...
I need an outfit that says "thanks for hiring me" but also says "i want dick in my mouth".
Randomize
