You can't have hate sex in a hallway!!
that cunt stole my fb status. SHE'S NOT THAT FUNNY
he actually used the line "do you have a map, because i'm lost in your eyes" and i was to drunk to care
I am a mess. Weirdest thing: I woke up with a hammer under my pillow. No idea why.
Look on the bright side, you can mark 'beastiality' off your bucket list
you just kept yelling NO BUENO SENOR at the cashier and throwing coins at him, of course you were going to get kicked out of the grocery store
Do you remember anything yesterday that led to needing a cup of couscous in my closet?
After some trial and error I found soaking my balls in maple syurip helps ease the pain.
I saw a kid peeing outback so I yelled "you have a small pecker, but its ok cuz when life gives you lemons..." and proceeded to throw lemons at him
Me, him and the recently stolen carpet walked down the road and into the strip club. We had to check the carpet with our coats, it didn't mind missing out too much, later the door guy at Subway held carpet during late night sandwich selection.
A duck just looked me in the eye whilst I peed in a lake. I feel so dirty.
Remember that time a drunk Dracula took a shit in the urinal? Ooh, that's right, it was last night.
Had to leave my skype meeting to vomit. I'm obviously ready for the real world.
I was giving him a blowjob but we had to stop because he started crying when his cat walked in and started staring at us
MUFFINS DON'T MAKE YOU ORGASM MULTIPLE TIMES OR HAVE ROCK HARD MUSCLES.
Randomize
