I'm cheating on the girl I'm cheating on my girlfriend with
Sometimes I wonder why.. Then I realize I can't fool myself with that question bc we all know it's bc of his enormous dick
It's like there's a party and my mouth and everyone's throwing up
Nothing like a Mormon bachlorette party to make you feel slutty
I doubt were getting our security deposit back... the toilet just fell off the wall
He told me I was a pleasure to arrest. That's the 2nd time I've heard that.
You know i'm the father figure
Yeah the father who ate her out with me last night. Great dad
I just soaked a sugar cookie in nail polish remover to clean off my nails because I was too lazy to walk to the bathroom to get a cotton ball. Is this what rock bottom feels like?
I want to share a beverage of the alcoholic category with you, but I'm conflicted about getting out from under my covers.
He knows whenever I get drunk I'm going to call him and make fun of his major. Its like a reverse booty call.
A huge penis doesn't warm the soul. Or that's what I've had to tell myself.
And then she proceeded to tell us that blowing your brother made her feel like part of the family. At this point you were still pretending to be a cat. Need I give another reason she can't live with us?
Fuck you i've put so many pretzels in her shirt
Cover your peen. We're going out.
she just kept straddling the railing to the stairs and shouting "come on Seabiscuit, lets win this for America."
Randomize
