I either date the nice guys or the assholes. There isn't any in between.
You need to find a taint.
I havnt had this much beer since i losodt my virginity. thank. god.
It's amazing how much better one feels once you put something in your vagina.
Mom got me cough medicine that tastes like tequila . She said she took taste tests. Best mom ever.
You threw up on yourself, then proceeded to tell us "to not make a mess in your car"
Just a heads up, the coffee pot is filled with Jager.
In their defense you were hugging a watermelon for a good portion of the trip
If you want to borrow my flask for all future interviews as a good luck charm because your last one went so well with it in your suit pocket, just let me know
KEG. KEG. THE OPERA HAS A KEG. KEG STAND IN A TUX. AFTER PARTY RAVE AND KEG STANDS.
say penis size is all related to how funny you are and then tell a feminist joke. if she laughs, you got double points, if she slaps you, she probably wasn't going to sleep with you anyway
I don't know, I kept pretending that I was riding an elephant during. It was actually really fun, but you can't tell him that!
i am laugh crying so hard the guy next door stopped playing guitar
It's a sad day when ur phone automatically updates u on Thursdays that traffic is normal and how long it will take to get to the bar
That's fucking great actually
so we just got back from swapping peoples patio furniture around to different patios. some people might like unexpected change. others might regret living on the ground floor.
Then, even the devil himself would be scared of us. And we'd be bestfriends with Jesus. He would love us.
Randomize
