Do you need to be saved?
No I think I'm God
So I'm at the Chevron by your house. I need a condom and a couch.
Together?
Preferably.
You went to church with your boobs hanging out?
Theyr'e a gift from god, I figured I should show him i'm using them well.
I can't make this stuff up. Your ex is singing I Will Survive on the karaoke.
If I started a story with "That three-year-old totally deserved it," would you listen?
He was at the bottom of the stairs showering himself with the popcorn, then eating a few handfuls and running around.
Glow parties are what I live for
Your priorities in life astound me
I need a burrito and a hug.
we got kicked out of her coke dealer's house when we wouldn't stop quoting "a league of their own"
communist
It felt as if we were fucking on a sea of baby feet and morgan freemans face hair
I woke up to my bra draped over his lamp and a huge bump on my head. apparently, I face planted while having sex in the shower..
What! I said that you would fall in love? See I know better. Dark liquor makes me think everything is a dream. I barely remember saying that
Im about to get an ultrasound of my balls. I hate waiting. Its the worst.
So she was amazing, that's what. Idk if it was the blow or the blowjob, but both my heads are still tingling.
I have only been here for a week and might contributed to a dumpster fire on accident.
Randomize
