the mole on his forehead could get me off better than his dick
please tell me you have proof of this
remind me not buy ky at kmart ever again. Had to get a manager to open the locked case. then he stood there and watched me look through the selection
I hate that ur telling me this.
What do ugly girls do when they get too drunk at parties. They can't pull the whole "sorry i passed out on your couch but i'm hot so it doesn't matter "card
just heard 2 nerds making fun of a girl for mispronouncing stochiometry. they followed it up by discussing the mathematical equation for getting laid. my day just became 100x better.
i woke up at 5 am and found myself wrapped in christmas lights that were plugged into the wall.
you definitely made a grilled cheese using your iron..
ya and it worked didnt it??
Pretty sure I went to the bar in my bathing suit, sweat pants, and high heels.
My girlfriend and my fuck buddy both started their periods this weekend. The good news is, neither of them are pregnant. The bad news is, I'll have to find someone else to fuck til next weekend. No wait.....that's good news too.
We should bet how many people are going to get alcohol poisoning next weekend and whoever wins gets a free Starbucks.
It'd be a romantic, consensual abduction
you showed up at my door at 3am, handed me a bag of cold chicken nuggets and said "lead me to the non-irish Siobhans," do YOU think you were tripping?
like don't tell me my baby smooth vag offended you
My sister just poured me a dbl Ciroc on the rocks and said "the ice makes it festive." Honestly what a role model.
Please tell your friend to stop shitting in my closet.
The waitress at the Denny's in usa remembered me from 2 years ago when we went at 4 in the morning plastered, wearing overalls and huge inflatable corona hats on our heads
Randomize
