Also, the republican called me again last night. He called me dumb and ugly then begged to come over. Gosh... he knows how to make me want him...
A few issues tonight. 1) Drunk since 1pm. 2) At the bar at 4pm. 3) James brought his sister, who has enormous breasts, isnt shy about cleavage, obviously slutty, and makes me want to do things that would even have Atheists sending me to hell. However, she's wearing glitter, so all Im thinking about is Edward Cullen. Go ahead and rip up my Man Card.
some girl just asked me how to spell unconscious. I really want to know what she was texting.
getting your period on valentines day is like an extra little fuck you, now you REALLY have no chance of sex tonight.
Being home sucks. I haven't drank in like a week. Or smoked cigs. Or done drugs. Or had sex. My body is shutting down.
Omg. It's like you're one of those deprived kids living in a third world country. We need to save you.
It feels like my uterus is trying to crawl out of my ass wearing cleats. And yourself?
8:30 every morning in the third floor bathroom we fuck in the handicap stall. You have your morning workout and I have mine.
im actually trying to see how many sex dolls we need for our raft so we can stay buoyant while we attack kayakers
It really does creep me out though that the next ten years will involve my friends creating smaller versions of themselves because to be honest I don't know how much I like some of them. So that thought it really scary
Sounds good. Look at us. Planning sex like proper adults.
ditto.
about cumming, not toast
We almost ended up sober because of u!!
Do you know this guy sitting in front of us? Asking for my vagina.
so we have roughly decided that hes the dude all the chicks will bang in college, just so he will do their term papers
Turns out tits aren't quite as effective an enticement when they know for a fact that they can't touch.
Randomize
