I got into an eating contest with Christina. I ate 6 oranges.
Why? Who won?
we don't know. we ran out of oranges.
I'm stoned in an empty parking lot listening to dave matthews while looking for a lighter.... I feel like I sent this 7 years ago.
While he was going down his phone rang and he answered saying I'll call you later I'm eating.
Only I could do what I did last night and feel perfectly ok working around children the next day
I think im drinking tonight later on...which is good cuz i walked pass the liquor aisle the other day and i swear i heard a kid call me a pussy
Dude just read our convo. Apparently I was talking to you while I was naked. She wasn't happy about it.
there were staples in my comforter. what kind of sex did we even have?
Houston, we have a blender
I just saw an appointment in my phone called "it's been a month" I think I drunkly did that after I slept with Paul to remind myself to check if I got knocked up... I'm smarter drunk than sober.
I'll be visiting the rave tower. Prepare your finest boxed wines for my consumption.
Walgreens has pop rocks. Be prepared to get your dick sucked.
Remind me to tell you all about the topless girl on the street who attempted to taze me.
I AHVE A WINE BUCKETTTTTTT
You told me you were trying to learn all the MLB ballparks while you waited for your porn to load.
fuck you
also please return my underwear, they were one of my favourite pairs xo
Randomize
