just took batteries out of my vibrator to play wii guitar hero. think i am gonna regret that move later tonight.
It was as awful as eating cow testicles on fear factor and not winning and realizing you ate balls for nothing.
Well at one point you put icyhot on your feet because you lost your shoes and it was snowing outside.
She got mad when I told her I'd bone her mom. She got MORE mad when her mom heard, and was flattered by it. Proud to say I attract MILFS.
you're the only person i know to use "jizz" and "cute" in the same sentence.
is election day enough of a holiday to justify getting fucked up on a tuesday?
as we waited for a manager to come open the door that we broke while having sex on the wall, we decided to go round two in the hallway before he came back.. god i love hotels.
Man, I must say, having known you since preschool, Eiffel-Tower-ing her would've fully completed our journey to brotherhood.
Get this. Chipped my front tooth taking a sip of a gay mans beer out of my cleavage. Fuck my fucking life. that'll be fun to explain to my dentist
the fact that we had sex in the dining hall makes it seem so much more like home.
how are you shocked you fucked her? sure shes hot, but she also washed your beerpong balls in her mouth..... you should probably get tested.
I just saw a girl drinking wine and walking her dog in footie pajamas and a mad hatter hat. First day of the new year and I think I'm in love.
I feel like you should put up a missed connections ad for this..
For starters i called the cops on myself for trying to destroy the ladys decorations
Life should not be this hard with a dick this big.
And god said thou shalt never deny free booze. And it was good.
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