So drunk its hurt
i don't mind that he's uncut. i like it! it's like a little sweater!
a cock doensn't need a sweater! especially a skin sweater! wtf.
That's like some buffalo bill hannibal lector shit.
Neighbors just bought a new bong. Got high with them and we decided to name it "Gary colemans sweet sugarlumps" these guys are hilarious
I was working er so they smashed a vodka bottle over dan's head so they'd have an excuse to visit
When I take mushrooms I can feel your presence down there. I can feel where Africa is too.
Bonding with my year old cousin over the fact that we both shit ourselves. Babysitting like a bosss
Hot dogs and hydrocodine is NOT the combo of champions
Told the cab driver to take me to narnia last night. Turns out there's a bar called narnia on the south side of town. We are in business
it's just weird to think of you as a teacher since ive seen you throw up raspberry bacardi in my parents house
I just heard your voicemail. Glad you like my dick and think I'm cool
I forgot her safe word. It was a rough night.
I'm wandering around outside asking things if they are god
I just want him to go down on me while I eat a burger. Is that too much to ask?
My liver has officially said "fuck this shit" and escaped from my body.
It's taking all of my will power not to chug this margarita. This must be the life of an adult...
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