he confessed his love for me, threw up on my pillow and then fell asleep on said pillow. i met him last night.
better than last weekend. things are really looking up for you.
you were grabbing cocks left and right
you literally grabbed sam's dick and said, "who's cock is this?!"
Too much gin, very little bucket
meet me or not, i'm out of control
You said you wanted to go to louisiana and get arrested by Steven segal
I'm gonna laugh so hard when we're both married with families
That statement alone makes me laugh so hard.
Just snuck alcohol into the hospital for my mom.
I'm trying to spell out I love you with a series of photos of my penis, but I just realized I can't do the Y of you
DO NOT GO IN OUR BATHROOM. it cannot be unseen
Wanna tell me why vodka seeped out of the memory foam when I climbed into my bed?
Sometimes I feel like I should become a beautician purely for my ability to shave pretty shapes into my pubic hair.
We're gonna be late. Scott went too far predrinking amd tried pierce his own lip with a poptab. Save me a beer, i'm gonna need it.
Your friend gave me you're number. I was the guy locked behind the book shelf.
I think you have the wrong number, but I hope you escaped your library-prison?
I always want to see you. Honestly my only hesitation is that my ass is still kind of sore from Sunday 🥺
I'm going to leave the 5 dollars that fell out of my bra while fucking in his room on the dresser as an apology
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