oh no, I think we did it in the 'front asshole'
If that ambulance is off to save our dignity, please tell them it's too late...
genius idea. im gonna paint my penis green like the serpent of sex
My T9 text prediction thing keeps predicting every next word is going to be "midgets".
There is a keg full of gin. THERE SHOULD NEVER EVER BE A KEG FULL OF GIN.
im never drinking wine from a person in a wet suit and goggles ever again.
You Were screaming "Im trying to get it in" and "stop cock blocking" while i threw you in the car
did you know that if you have sex in the elevator on the way up that people can still get in?
Leaving my wallet at work and not going out to drink tonight...SIGN FROM THE UNIVERSE.
You've never really lived until you tell someone you have an STD over snap chat.
WHY DID YOU DRUNK DIAL MY MOM?!
Because mine was sitting on the bar stool next to me...
Can my mom come with to the bar? Prince just died and I feel like I need to take her out to cheer her up.
We fucked to Bonnie Tyler in my car. He's the one.
got cock blocked by the cops again. two of the cops were the same ones from that t bell incident and they recognized me... they still dont like me
That bitch claimed that you said it was ok if she drank your vodka. Obviously she has never met you
Randomize
