Prereq for being on nyc prep: money, bitchy, and a lazy eye... if only you were rich
woke up in a shopping cart using a keystone box as a blanket. how was your night?
too bad you can't see the clap by looking at her face.
she is a standing ovation.
Then he told me he was 40. I'm not sure if I have enough Daddy issues to go for it
..and then spiked the maple syrup at iHop
I'm full of awesome ideas
Yesss you are. Im full of confusion. I keep finding peanut butter on my legs...
I wish i could be on x for the rest of my life.
But I love Penises too much to give up on them. My phone capitalized Penises. It's like it knows I respect them
I remember your 21st ending with me driving you home while you insisted making bicycle signals out the car window.
I just had to explain to my 62 year old advisor what "tea-bagging" was in the middle of her lecture. I smell extra credit. And maybe a demonstration.
is it cool if i crash at ur house this weekend again bro
yea dude but i wld bring a sleeping bag or something just in case. or u may just have to shack up with a woman or 2 cuz we hav 10 girls visiting/staying over at my house.
how did u manage to make sleeping with a bunch of girls sound like an inconvenience?
WHY DO YOU ALWAYS PUT THE PLUG IN THE SINK BEFORE YOU PUKE IN IT
As we're eating sushi she goes I just want to get a disease so my mom can take care of me... Great first date
I'm up in my room and I just saw a naked guy sprint out into the streets from my mom's party downstairs
so dehydrated I couldn't fill the pee cup to the right line for my drug test for school. I was like sorry it was my birthday yesterday
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