My mom foundout about my dui nd just called me to come home. I just took acid like 30 min ago. Wht should i do?
This is awkward. You have a four minute voicemail from me. I would delete it. I accidently hit your number on speed dial and called you while I was vomiting a mai tai.
if you're passed out when i get there i get to wear your banana costume and do awful things to you
He has crabs, not bed bugs. I recommend incoporating a clinic on this mornings walk of shame route.
I just bought the ATT family protection plan so that I could block all of my old bar hookups from booty calling me...
Somehow ed fucked carrie while purposely not saying a single word to her all night. He just nodded and smiled.
Would it have been easier if he talked to her?
Yeah, but i bet him he couldn't do it. Now he gets a free taco bell combo of his choosing.
Im about to get a baby alligator stoned, what are you doing with your life?
I just want to have normal problems like what kind of puppy to get, or should I pay a hooker to fuck Scott, or even a dilemma about fucking Twizzlers. I don't know.
We're going to work out tomorrow I guess but it usually consists of doing weights for 10 minutes, then saying fuck cardio and going to Taco Tuesday
Moral of the story: always keep condoms in your bra
sweating bourbon at client mtg -- you?
It's a good thing vaginas don't have taste buds
You came in last night, ate an entire avocado in silence, and then told me I should never accept rides from strangers. Not sure I even want to know what happened to you last night!
I woke up in a beaver hat and contruction vest.. I need answers.
I have four things I would like to do over summer too... Problem is they're all roommates
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