She's perfect. Funny, gorgeous, 3 tats, been through a lot, bright. I'm in love.
i'm pretty sure the devil's penis is california-shaped
so im decorating easter eggs with my family and my mom is writing "Jesus is risen" and "God loves you!" on the eggs. i wrote things like "I'm naked!" and "there are drugs in these eggs!" on mine.
what if his mom answers? its like high school, but hes 30
we knew you were done when they played It's All Coming Back To Me Now by Celine Dion and you started crying
It's four o'clock and my 60yo aunt's tits have already made an appearance and there is a dildo traveling around the room periodically assaulting family members. Strangely I am thankful.
Still want to know how you got back last night? Two Campus Security Officers carried you in around 430. Your pants were around your ankles.
I hate Sailor Jerry.
Get here, there are important joints to be smoked and pies to be eaten
I will turn myself into a beacon of get at me bro
GOD DAMMIT TARYN WHY DO WE ALWAYS HAVE TO ROB PLACES IN OUR FUTURE PLANS?!
As much as I trust your struggle imma deal with being Eskimo brothers with my own sister before I get to that
I have successfully trained your dog to bring me pudding cups!
Hey do you or anyone you know want to get drunk for free? At 4pm tonight at rctc for field sobriety training for future cops
I need to start journaling my drunk thoughts. Drunk me is fucking brilliant & sober me is missing out.
I thought he was hot. You know, in a “I’ve gone batshit insane and want blood for the blood god” sort of way.
Randomize
