i just set an alarm for noon. fuck yes winter break.
We got blackout for the alumni dinner, and then walked THROUGH the keynote speaker, managing to still say "excuse me".
She was so loose she sounded like a jar of salsa. I didn't know that was even possible.
I'm watching the red sox through my neighbors window from my bathroom. We're winning btw.
She started licking your face, then you turned to me and said "I guess thats my cue", and you proceeded to hook up with her.
Just heard Miley Cyrus' version of "Every Rose Has Its Thorn". Fuck everything. If you don't have an std you have no right to remake this song
you tried to fill your inhaler with vodka
my friend thinks you're hot & wants to fuck you ps i'm my friend
I made out with an Italian cab driver. Not cool. Help. Good news he will drive us anywhere we want to go as long as you cook food?!?!?! I want to melt into the pavement.
I'm gonna keep a minimum of five drink promise to myself
You mean maximum 5?
I hat to flip my "days since last bad decision" chart back to zero. So...yeah. Sigh.
My brother just text me asking if I was ready for the blowjob of my life.
I feel like I beer bonged a ton of asbestos
I tried to be mean but not so mean that he won't bone me next weekend
What do you do when you legitimately find a hidden sex dungeon in your parents basement next to your bedroom!!?
Randomize
