I just encouraged Kelsey to make out with some guy for beer so I could take one, does this make me a pimp?
By definition I think it does.
So this is what it feels like to be all that is man.
I wish my dick could take responsibilities for his own actions
For Halloween this year I'm gonna go as Angelina from Jersey Shore. I'm gonna yell "umm HELLO?!," cockblock someone, then leave the party early
Because when I say 'You shouldn't drink anymore', she hears, 'I personally challenge you to chug 3 more mixed drinks'
I was desperate so I downed my birth control with balsamic vinaigrette...
Important info for allergy season. An orgasm will unblock stuffy sinuses.
I have too much pride to pick his chest hair out of my mouth again
MASS TEXT: who ever dared Todd to suck on the Clorox wipes last night.. good goin jackass. you can come visit him, hes in room 266, AFTER hes done getting his stomach pumped.
HE DARED ME TO DARE HIM... DONT PUT THAT ON ME.
I just sneezed and it made my entire body ache. Hungover is an understatement
While we were driving she just screams from the backseat: MUMFORD AND SONS DROP THE BANJO and made what were meant to be banjo sound effects
I'm trying to ve beat feiesnd sent.
It's has to do with my genitals. Don't ask.
I just want a guy who will spank me, fuck me, then take me to my office xmas party. I'd that too much to ask?
I just want you to make me second guess my worth as a human. Is that too much to ask?
Thanks for not letting me choke to death on my vomit last night
Thank you for attempting to organize my DVDs in chronological and alphbetical order
Randomize