Good. I was naked most of the night. But sometimes I would wear my tux vest...But only my tux vest. It was classy
last night i was so high that when a homeless person asked me for a dollar, i responded: dolla dolla bill ya'll.
You kept hiding marshmallows in the freezer saying "they would never think to look here"
doctor said mango vodka does not count as my daily servings of fruit. damn.
There was a fucking SNAKE in the urinal. WHAT THE FUCK
Seriously... Things should be way more awkward... The entire female half of the bridal party INCLUDING THE BRIDE blew me in high school....
I'm not really into her personality. Not that we've ever looked for personality in women.
That's only a quality to look for in a second marriage.
Called the cops on a high school party then went in after all the kids ran away and took the rest of the beer. What are you doing tonight?
So my roommate and I have a written agreement stating that if he tries to sleep with his ex girlfriend, I have to immediately intervene and nut punch him then send her on her way.
this is the most serious roommate agreement ever
now acid just makes me think of crab ragoon
i was so high when i left this morning that rather than make sandwiches i threw bread and peanut butter in my backpack. a whole loaf. and a whole jar
You were out of control then you fell asleep on his lap for 30 min and woke up civil. Way to powernap to sobriety!
I just puked in a chili’s bathroom... happy birthday to me
we bonded over knowing every word to freaky gurl by gucci mane so it’s kinda starting to make sense why I gave him head in his cul de sac
He dicked me, fed me creme brulee, and didn’t make a big deal out of me causing a flood to come outta my vagina
Marry him NOW
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