Just got my rental car in Iowa...gas is under 2 dollars in des moines...this is not a real state
I woke up this AM and all of my clothes i wore last night are gone. Instead i am dressed in air jordans, boxers, cargo shorts, and an Affliction t-shirt. the part that upsets me most is that i was with a guy who wears Affliction t-shirts.
Prereq for being on nyc prep: money, bitchy, and a lazy eye... if only you were rich
Everyone just saw your hickey on TV and on the jumbotron at the hockey game.
Thanks dad.
first time Ive ever had to stop sex to go pass out in the kitchen floor...
Apparently telling a group of crying girls that it looks like they need a visit from Dr. Phil isn't the best pickup line.
Just walked past a girl wearing nothing but flip flops and an oversized sweatshirt crying by the front gates eating pizza. i just found your soulmate.
Alone. In an inflatable pool. Drinking vodka and raspberry lemonade. I don't need approval as much as I need to know you love me still.
Now that world cup is done, funneling out of a vuvuzela has lost its fun
either i blacked out mid-sex but remember the beginning and end, or he really only lasted a couple of minutes
Hey when you wake up and read this, we really need to stop pullin our dicks out when we drink dude. I have all the pics, yall are assholes
No, I'm not a weirdo, I keep bondage straps under my matress like a normal person, not a diary.
Real life skills section of my resume: blow jobs, food knowledge trivia, sarcasm, mascaera application, sexting, tolerance of rail liquors
I think every girl deserves a pregnancy scare. Because then it just feels like such a priviledge to be bleeding out of the vagina.
I legit just did a jig towards my box of tampons.
Best single mom victory - getting eaten out in my dodge caravan in the hospital parkade at midnight.Three words: screaming multiple orgasms.
Randomize
