He said he only talked to me because I talk dirty in bed.
If its called oral, why is it so hard to talk?
I've now graduated to the level of gay where I can tell Tegan and Sara apart.
he kept saying "mind over matter" as he fucked me
You promised me a handle of vodka if I took home her ugly friend. Thanks to law class I took for the 2nd time I know that's a unilateral contract asshole
He smells like cinnamon, and what I imagine to be orgasms
I heard the bride mutter "I should have brought a fucking tranquilizer". I'm not at all surprised that you got banned from the bar afterwards.
Everyone's impressed that I actually got pee all over his car since I'm a girl and they're a little curious..
I'm glad your nude photos turned out "classy" but you cannot hang them in the living room.
Come help me clean and have sexual intercourse with me
Bring breadsticks
New life goal: fuck in the shopping cart
My potted cactus died. I am literally less nurturing than the desert.
I hate that I still want him to look at me as the vagina that got away.
On cleanup... i've counted 94 solo cups so far.. oh, and i found a miniature top hat in the microwave
I can’t believe the first text I’m sending you from this phone was about how I just got fingered in a smart car on tin can hill
Randomize
