Seriously dude, you need to stop beating off to the ellen show, it's just weird.
She has an incinerator in her basement. Have you ever incinerated used condoms?
Lmao what?
It's a yes or no question.
I wasn't fucked. I was just drunk, because i was still able to walk into the woods and masterbate.
my dealer just handed me my weed in a pink easter egg
Besides, I'm not in my 30's. I'm still allowed to drink wine from a bag.
I vote intervention dinner around 6, make up movie around 7:30ish, then apology drinks all night. Then hangover waffle house in the morning.
i have learned 4:30 is too early to start pregamming for the midnight harry potter
can we get vodka so I have an excuse for being an emotional wreck
It's sitting in bleach right now. You will be the creepiest coolest dude in my book if you made a bracelet from my tooth.
Text me all the things you want us to do this summer. So far, I have Kegstand written down
Welp, I just herniated a vocal cord during sex. How was your night?
I've spent hours masturbating before. It's actually my favorite Sunday activity
I'm way too sober and people are way too heterosexual
This guy wants me to put ice under his foreskin. What!?
last night you made out with a 19 year old on a bar and i woke up with a swede in my bed. lets just say that never happened.
Randomize
