So drunk i had to piss sitting down...
So today I found out that our school is known as the herpes school
even after i explained my bobby knight costume the bartender still kicked me out for throwing the chair
fuck off i hope your children turn out to be republicans
are you just going to ignore any texts involving my penis from now on? because thats going to shut down a pretty sizeable portion of our conversations.
It was the best present I've gotten since I was 5 and I got a fucking easy bake oven. I'm not pregnant for realsies. Celebratory party at the house tonight. Invite all the nice dicks you know.
for the record, you never really realize how drunk you still are until you get on rollerskates...
Just found out my rents have been paying my siblings to cockblock me for the past 5 years
Not as covert as you thought huh?
Everyone loves nachos, first of all. Second, Ke$ha is entirely appropriate for the age grou too young to realize she probably has Hep C.
Carson kissed me on my cold sore before I could stop him so I think I gave my kid herpes. Mom of the year. Just call me MOTY.
No, you are in the clear. The police officer finally just said "I give up" and walked away.
the man at taco bell in the drive thru window tried to sell me his mix tape
his single is called “stick some holes in it”
Sexting gets boring after a while. I'm eating a sandwich right now and googling 'sexting ideas' and just copy/pasting lines.
It's a good sandwich though.
So then edible panties?
Jesus no he likes candy too much, I'd lose a lip
the bucket list is making me question my morals...and sexuality
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