It's pouring out. I am cold, wet, and miserable.... Kind of reminds me of our sleepover last night.
sometimes i wish i could just stick a turkey baster up there and suck out the blood
I've come to the conclusion that the only reason I fucked him was because he reminded me of Seth Rogen.
you kept trying to convince me i had aids because my head hurt
just woke up with an anonymous loaf of bred in my bed and a piece in my mouth. this says alot about my life.
you kept spraying the cat with water and then telling it to "man up" when it cried
There are rumors he has a square penis....ill do anything though....
he kept asking me if i had been in a pool or a lake recently, i didnt want to say i know where the swimmers ear came from. shower sex.
Did you get your crutches off the street sign?
All these girls I talk to are like I've never had a hangover and I'm like you don't drink right here let me show you
I just had sex in the men's bathroom of a Chinese buffet...
YOU ARE MY HERO
Would it be irresponsible to use my tax refund for a boob job?
Yes. Highly encouraged though.
I almost got an A in organic chem but started hallucinating during the final so I got a C
A girl in McDonalds just asked if I was in here wasted a few nights ago throwing fries at the staff, I said it was my twin
We both know that wasn't me
This town reeks of teen pregnancy.
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