The only reason I kept his number in my phone for so long is so that hed pay for my abortion.
can you imagine how much money lesbians save on birth control?!?
bitches.
Just saw an old lady vomit in a trash can at the airport. I instinctively called her a pussy. College has ruined us.
On your way out, lock the front door. And by lock the front door, I mean find the door handle, reattach it, and then lock it.
So how does it feel getting boo'd by the entire 5 guys restaurant
im not 100% but im pretty sure at some point i was rubbing ur bf's beard telling him how magnificient i thought it was
I tried to make friends with the geese living behind Hughes. They didn't really like that idea.
Are you high?
we can be functional adults and still think pizza lunchables are the shit
We need large glitter to throw at people to signify our mystic nature
Fuck their feelings and their drinks they will get hit with sparkly confetti
I feel like our relationship should have moved on from you constantly asking if I'm gay
Nothing says male bonding like watching porn with your grandpa
Dude too much vodka. I think I just puked up my heart
That's what you get for taking that guy home. The god of sluttiness is frowning upon you.
Is it considered a bad morning to find your boss half naked in the parking lot of work at 7am?
That depends, how hot is your boss?
I just rolled a blunt at my desk. Happy early Friday!
i was asked to be gay of honor by three different girls and NONE of the groomsmen at any of the weddings is open to experimenting. i mean whats the point then.
Randomize
