My wife says its no good to have oral sex during pregnancy. So i guess pregnancy is like regular life.
Bad news is im a slut again. Good news is its with people ive been a slut with before.
Just tried my new showerhead. Sex with Brian will never be the same.
He told him to "throw up in my mouth like I'm a baby bird."
We saluted the chips to the national anthem before cooking them. The house has to get a munchies fryer
Seriously I will never run in my wedges while drinking racing home to have sex ever again
Just used my eyelash curler to open a bottle of cider...
So you let the Viking explore your nether regions?
Got to work this morning and thought... Did I really dance on that pole last night
I might as well just sew it shut at this point.
I have booze and I wanna give you a bj. How can you be mad at me?
Some days, I wish I could get a hug from a furry muppet
million dollar idea: razor dispensers in bar bathrooms. your welcome, girls who didn't think they were getting laid tonight.
I had to ask my mom to look for my kegle ball...
I sort of feel bad for this orthodontist. The things that have been in my mouth in the past 12 hours aren't exactly socially acceptable.
Randomize
