He just stabbed two olives and a pickle with a fork and deep throated it in front of my family
Not even marginally surprised
He picked me up from the airport wearing nothing but a trench coat and a bow on his dick
So the bar isnt gonna put that broken window on my tab. appaerently they want cash
She literally crushed my balls between her butt cheeks. It was both the greatest and worst thing ever. Dancers are awesome.
Hung over does not do it justice. I am hung like a horse over. I am hungover and over and over. I am hung, drawn and quartered fucking over. They just told me I can't keep my sunglasses on in the office. Fuck drinking with you people.
Were not alcoholics, were just impatient for fridays
you can officially check off peeing off the 5th floor while shouting "I want to break the guinness world record for longest piss stream" off your college to do list.
Did i mention i'm like the equivilent of a prepubescent boy suffering from preejaculacy? I just about creamed my pants when he grabbed my hand..
It's been a year of occasional hook ups....this was bound to happen sometime even with your jank ovary schedule.
All I know is I was dancing to Shakira in his alley and I think rubbing my junk on his car door.
Wake up we need to beat the walk of shame rush hour
we had break-up sex in a port-a-potty. how do you think it went?!
just once I'd like to not pass out before we leave the designated pre-drinking place
At the bar in my pajamas again
Ummm that is the 3rd time this week and it is Wednesday
he was the first penis i touched… i have to go to his shitty bands first gig, i mean come on now
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