I'm like a new puppy, everybody wants to touch me
I just told a dude I hooked up with last night he was the pick of the litter.
I know I hit you with my car but people express love in different ways. Everyone is different.
i was gonna fuck her but then she started eatin sushi from her purse. i really need to raise my standards
I just saw a group of 50+ year old women all wearing shirts that said "drink up, bitches" ...please tell me that can be us some day.
My autobiography is now tentatively titled "I'm Fucking the DJ, and Other Ways to Party for Cheap"
2 out of 3 people here lost their shoes. America.
Well if he truly loves me he will just have to accept my flaws. And that includes a tequila dependency and borderline lesbianism.
Typical Sunday afternoon purchase of condoms and a helium tank.
and after i failed the breathalyzer i said to the cop "i've never been very good at tests"....
My Saturday dick is so much more impressive than my Tuesday dick.
Miscalculate d the jungle juice, it's actually 10%. Can't taste the diff anyway but my stomcha is warm. Come play pongm.
I really wanted to pound but her roomate was making mac n cheese n shit so I was trying to time her moans to the drone of the microwave
Yeah I don't think your wife thinks it's a good thing that you're fucking your cousin.
I would just like to say that I was the one who said that we should find scissors, when they were cutting your hair with a kitchen knife. I am responsible.
I still feel bad for it, even though I technically only videotaped it and helped will to distract the questioning neighbor
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