So I walked out of my room and there was my brother....standing naked
she said your name and I thought she was asking me to motorboat her. Best. Miscommunication.Ever.
angela screamed across the room SHES A CHAMP when i told the pharmacist plan b doesnt make me throw up
This hangover is way worse than all my relationships
Count me out. I seem to have semen induced blindness in one eye.
We are cuddling. She is so cute when she is too high to be a loud bitch.
Only once have I found myself in the condom aisle holding a bundt cake...
Gold rum. Strong marijuana. Jabba the Hut in stilettos. Deep thigh bruise. Yes, thal all happened. Sorry dude.
Ordained minister or not I hereby renounce all moral responsibility for any and all related occurrences
Well I'll be shitfaced all day the 4th in honor of this great nation... but I'm down for drunken camping/nature fucking on the 5th
They're fucking on the bed next to me. I took adderall and smoked so there's no fucking help for me.
He carried around a bottle of jäger the whole night and when everyone thought the cops came, he started doing push ups in the middle of the floor cause he said it calmed him down.
I was so horny last night, I failed to let him know about my current bed bug infestation.
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
apparently when she asked me how drunk I was on a scale of 1-10, I answered "bitch I'm fabulous" and tried to do a sassy hairflip. but I have short hair.
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