Well i just wrestled a cop... p.s. i won
The solution to mudbutt is never ever Clorox wipes. It stings soooooooo bad.
it was great that she threw up because that made me the only one trying to hook up with her
If I sleep with another Spanish guy it is officially renamed my senor year.
If he tries to stick his thumb up my butt again im going to rip his dick off with my vagina
I told you those kegels would come in handy one day
I spent most of the night trying to drink out of three bottles of beer at once. I don't have to be told the reasons I'm single
When Vanessa's kindergarten teacher called me in because she was caught with her hand down some boys pants in the bathroom, I knew you babysat last week.
Would be in best interest to sanitize the DVDs
He said he would pay my bar tab if he couldn't answer my question. He lost to the age old question of our youth. Why did pogs go out of style.
In the middle of having sex she stopped, said "guess what, it's clitoris awareness week" and then continued fucking me
Literally just napped at strip club. Don't know how long
WHO THE FUCK PEED IN MY BONG
He wants Portugal to lose so badly he threw out all the sangria. You know how depressing it is to watch someone dump 4 gallons of heaven?
You better have a raging boner when I get to your house and it better be worth missing work in the morning.
am drunk, naked, and blow drying cat. need adult supervision
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