The iPhone is ruining my ability to sex message. My 5-year-old cousin just picked up my phone at my grandmas birthday party and read "I wanna stand you up and fuck you from behind" to my entire extended family bc of popped up on my screen
so apparently dipping a tampon in red gatorade and throwing it out the window on the highway is a $100 fine
Eventually evolution will just give us a better liver anyway, so our great great grandkids should THANK us for our binge drinking.
I think i accidentally made vodka pancakes
I saw your arrest video on youtube. you look so thin!
We asked an illegal alien to buy us beer. He didn't even want a tip. I'm going to Washington to plead that case.
Pretty certain he passed out for a while going down on me. Absolutely certain he passed out during the blow job.
If I weren't her cousin I'd take advantage of her and this low point in her life.
I am not going to ask my mother to pause a movie so I can have phone sex.
Fried chicken is a must. Do strippers eat fried chicken or should I plan on something else?
I agree though, his intact virginity is truly the tragedy of the century.
The feeling I get when I hear beer bottles clinking must be what children feel when they hear sleigh bells on Christmas Eve
when i got home she was standing in my front yard not wearing a shirt and halfway crying/ halfway laughing
I found you in the bathroom. You were sitting cross-legged on the floor wearing nothing but socks completely surrounded by broken crayons.
Drunk me has cost me a lot in cell phones...
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