you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
Today's life lesson: fat girls should not wear tight miniskirts and vinyl leggings. This Forever 21 salesgirl is a hot mess.
Last night started off great but became the saddest day of my life when i was drunk in a hotel room eating day old mac and cheese out of a yatzee cup with a coffee lid as a spoon...
One thing i hate about playoff baseball: George Lopez
Yeah...I know. It's cute I think...I mean cute in a weird like hey I kinda took you home from the bar one night, maybe criticized your penis, and fucked your brains out...kinda sorta way
I blew him while he was standing up and he drooled on my head
Wow. I feel like a bad friend. My fuckbuddy wished you a happy birthday before I did. The reality of that just hit me.
I don't remember where I was but I remembered that I hated everyone there
Got a minor my first day of college from the bike police. I'm gonna like it here
Sailor Jerry came over for the evening. It was a magical evening. I didn't even get puke in the house.
Let's just say it was like a porno version of Aladdin....
Ya it was crazy the power went just as she was about orgasm and the vibrator got fried with the power surge
Found out that I went to the same elementary school as the guy I'm hooking up with. Kosher or no
I woke up and couldn't find her. She had somehow managed to get into the closet and lock herself in. She was crying for her boyfriend. Thirsty Thursday at its finest
I I was gonna wake him up with a blow job but I don't know how he would feel about it.
Randomize
