I don't know where I am but the food in the fridge is awesome.
This morning when you woke up you looked like one of the Wii Bowling people. I think it was the eyebrows combined with the sambuca
He's at the gym. He likes to get high and swim cause it makes him feel like a fish.
I was just about to send a concerned text until I opened my door and saw a shopping cart. I'm glad you made it home in one piece and with toys.
She broke both of her ankles trying to jump off the balcony. it's like every time she drinks she makes even more impressively bad decisions than the last time
I'm just going to say , cocktail races are not for a Wednesday night maybe not even a Friday type of deal
Nurse helped me count all my sexual partners and still gave me her phone number. She shall be #73.
I CRIED after phone sex. Am I gay?
I AM COVERED IN FAKE BLOOD AND REAL CUM. I AM AWESOME
I agreed not to hook up with any randoms while she's on vacation, if that isn't a show of good faith then I don't know what is...
I have tan lines from my nipple rings.
His girlfriends signaled their approval by pulling me off of him and in turn making out with me. I think I will hang out with this group more often
Last night I went outside to our neighbors and asked them to put in money with me to get a hot tub for our patio. Niceeeee
Oh, and Harry Potter. We could be fuck-and-Harry-Potter buddies.
Anytime you wish.we are doing double shots in the kitchen,and I drank a beer in the shower,so...the sooner you get here,the sooner you can get on our level.
Randomize
