im pretty sure vibrators are the best invention since dinosaur chicken nuggets
she's just sitting in a corner ripping all of the filters off her menthols
So instead of getting the if-you-hurt-my-little-girl-youre-dead talk, i got the alcohol-is-our-friend talk, i like her dad already
I kept pulling the $1 bills off the stage and told everyone "no no no she has to work for this money"
we got hammered off table wine and i ended up biting my acrylic nail off so i could finger his butt.. ill never look at valentines day the same
He just keeps repeating "this isn't my bagel".. i'm worried for his safety
how bad is she
captain morgan with tits
I'm high and craving hash browns from McDonalds. Please pick me up. I also would like a hug and a supportive pat on the back when you get here. Thanks.
Its two in the afternoon. McDonalds don't sell hash browns at 2 in the afternoon. Whore. The hug I can provide however.
Dear America, sometimes I miss your Everclear and its consequences.
Just showered now I smell like berries instead of shame
We haven't even eaten dinner yet and she's already been asked to "take it down a notch" by the groom's mom.
I thought it was my alarm clock, turns out it was her vibrator still going off on the side of my face.
I can't even masturbate without crying fuck this break up
all i want in life is a shot and a cock is that too much to ask
How high do u want to get? Just kind of high or yelling at swans high...
Swans
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