I'm in a cab, in a strange city, and my driver looks like he's going to eat me. My facebook password is **** I want you to have the one thing I hold dearest to my heart.
alone in the kitchen at 4 am eating a hotdog.
it was like the sexual equivalent of when Wilson fell off the raft and floated away
I dont have enough money in my bank account to buy a pregnancy test. this wouldnt be the first time ive had to steal one either...
I'm pretty sure I saw a man standing on a table with no shirt on getting sugar thrown at him while "pour some sugar on me" blaring while the cops were in the house.
Supposedly i was taking multiple birth control pills while screaming dot judge me. Never going back
I'm pretty sure he's lost all respect for me. it probably happened somewhere around the time i had officially slept with every single one of his friends..
So I've gone into the break room to heat up a styrofoam cup 8 times over the course of 4 hours.. that desperate to see him. Now I have a broken heart AND cancer.
Our logic class started an hour ago, I walked out and found my sister drunk, sitting down, eating m&ms, afraid to walk in... I want her life
LISTEN TO ME! GAY. FIREFIGHTER. They are the most rare and precious kind of gay. The kind little gays dream of. It needs to happen.
New York City is dangerous when the only bars you go to are the ones that have 'open' in front
I got laid while wearing a shirt with a picture with my little brother deep throating a banana on it.
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. It doesn't matter what it's about. Last text was about a homeless dude
I am drunk and aggressive about the olympixs
It's spelled Olympics
in the future we should consider sippy cups so we can drink and passout accordingly
Randomize
