Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
so that guy from last night texted me saying i flashed half of my extended family last night. so classy.
Turns out he's not gay. He just didn't know how else to say he's not into me. He just hit on my sister.
You don't understand how difficult it is to give head with cotton mouth
Fun fact: Antibacterial soap will not take the combined smell of bbq sauce and vagina off your hands.
I need to stop smoking. I just talked to corn.
Whoever was the last to get in from the chinese firedrill had to pay the dealer.
being sober in physics class makes me realize the regularity with which i show up to it still drunk
Come over. I have beer, your weird ass vegan pizza, and a raging hard on.
Marry me.
I put purple lights under my bed and asked him if he wanted to fuck in a spaceship.
It's your birthday, you should get to jizz where you want to. Jizz when you want tooo
You're a mystery wrapped in an enigma wrapped in a redhead
I am pants-free in the living room. This is liberating.
I'm in love. Her name is Jamie. She's beautiful. She punched me in the face.
So I hung out with an australian but woke up with a British man in my bed does that make me culturalized
Randomize
