i just spit dirty mouth water on my dentist. and apparently grinning sheepishly and saying "my b" doesn't make it better
i think the fact that he graduated high school the year i graduated elementary school is sexy.
How was dinner with ur grandparents?
I was really blazed and scared they'd catch me, so when they asked about my day I was concentrating really hard on not saying smoking that instead I honestly said "Well, I had sex on your pool table, Nana."
Anytime you have a hot, flirty, married woman that wants to ride you like a horse and slap your ass, you've got to do it.
Yeah, but four times?
Now she's making me sit here and look at pictures of guys she likes who look like bears. She's calling them her bear friends.
Sending me a thank you card for letting you fuck my sister was completely inappropriate
You have permanently scared my back with your nails. I would like to congratulate you on a job well done.
It's been a wonderful constant drunkeness. We played Marco polo with some random like 8 yr olds in the kiddie pool.
college stoner meal of the day: microwaved nutrigrain bars
The night went downhill when he lit her purse on fire and tried putting it out with vodka
If you're not peeing in public bi-monthly, you're not really living.
I am slightly proud of the fact his mom turns on the dryer located behind the spare bedroom EVERY time we visit!
I had a dream he was standing in front of me naked and flexing while yelling VICTORY and gizzing all over the floor.
He showed up at my apartment drunk with a telescope wanting me to look at the "blown up star" in -24 degree weather, claiming "it's in the name if science"
I should've negotiated that before I sat on his face.
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