I woke up this morning to the buzzer on my oven going off... I cooked fish sticks at 425 degrees for 5 hours last night. my house smells awesome
just found out my sister was breast fed and i was not...pretty upset about that.
It had been so long since my last time that it was easily a double helping of stomach pancakes. I think she was mildly impressed.
this whole healthcare thing got me thinking.. without knowing it my parents are now going to be paying for my dealer to be able to live..
I call it my summer of slut; except summer lasts from May until December. It's been incredibly successful
I'll probably regret it tomorrow. But right now, accepting this $2000 credit card so that I can finance booty calls from across the united states sounds like a golden idea.
So hung over, I told one of the candidates she's hired if we can turn the lights off and take a nap instead of doing her interview. I feel like she has potential.
He found a way to charmingly ask me for a threesome and when I said no he made it sound like he was even happier. He's a fucking wizard
He said I could stop sending ass pics now and just say hello. I'm not sure if that means he's no longer interested, or that he's a gentleman??
Maybe not Elvis quality pharmaceuticals...But some good stuff
I'm glad you still love me even when I change pants in the kitchen and demand you spoon me
I shaved my asshole for this. That's real dedication.
You know that text I sent you last night at 2? That was 5 minutes before I ran face first into a wall of not okay
Watching a guy pay his tab with a check. Jesus dude...
Replacing my paralegal is easy. Replacing my favorite office fuck toy is a totally different story. Damn him for wanting to better himself instead of being my manwhore
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