My toast was "here's to being positive, and testing negative... Cheers!"... after that chick gagged on her shot, everyone knew.... slut.
Let's play a little game called "Chill the Fuck Out" - you're our first contestant
Busta Rhymes just yelled at me! He cut a song off and I was clapping and he looked right at me and said "don't fucking clap." I was that white guy.
Thank you for holding my vodka while the police let me ride their horse.
I am going to be the most sexually active ladybug that he has ever seen
Bars not open yet, I feel like a desperate alcoholic wandering around outside.
I woke up to him eating cereal out of my viking helmet with a shot glass. No idea where he got the milk.
He was about to puke, and so I handed him an empty beer can. In retrospect, not very helpful.
He said my breasts were God's way of making up to him for all the shit he's had to endure in his life.
there's a guy looking for his pants in my room, is he yours?
She almost killed me. The shot she handed me had tacks in it. Wtf?!
i accidenteley seduced the christian girl's brother so i dont think we can count on free church picnic food again
So I bring Danny back to the apartment for the first time and my roommate is curled up in the beanbag in the middle of the floor, wearing nothing but her uggs, high out of her mind and watching Harry potter... She offered us kettle corn.
He asked if he could come over tomorrow....
I'm sitting in the shotgun seat of my car on full recline trying to pretend everything is ok
i just drunk stumbled into my home... to figure out that we moved 2 weeks ago..
Randomize
