Operation extremely regretful is in full effect
I have a client coming in and there's a note that says she wants her hair to like Elisabeth Hasselback's from the view
that's Oklahoma for you
all we need is a web designer
and a bunch of prostitutes
if I see one grey pube I'm spitting his penis out!
well after we realized that his best friend and my twin sister were hooking up it was kind of an unsopken agreement that we would too
You've picked up chicks by quoting metal bands
When they're drunk they believe it's Shakespeare...enjoy the simple things
Had to make a piece of abstract art. Your dick is in it
I can't remember if the bartender cut you off after you broke your glass or after you wished the bar a happy winter solstice during your karaoke number.
My neighbor just watched me eat a granola bar without pants, this is a whole new level of unemployed
I feel like everything I touch in this bar I'm gonna get hepatitis. my kinda joint
No, but I woke up here and my pockets are full of raisins. Like 6 different pockets.
i decided this morning while eating my breakfast of red bull and cold pizza that i should take a vow of celibacy
I basically have sex lined up for me in three different countries. If that's not a feat I don't know what is
I told him I just left the convent and really wanted a man. He fell for it. Sure beats telling him I'm a nympho stalker that followed him to the bar when I saw his beard.
Puked in the trash can. Took a bite of someone's breadstick and kept dancing and drinking
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