I saw a penis in my cereal this morning. do you think my cheerios are like professor trelawney's tea leaves?
one can only hope.
In hindsight, i should have predicted that a drink called the 'rocky mountain bear fucker' would not end in a pleasant experience
just had sex with a midget and didnt wrap it... were totally gonna have a tv show :)
She was ugly to the point i wanted to brush my teeth after looking at her
All I learned from that experience was that drinking scotch out of a crunk goblet was bad news.
i think i left a case of beer in your dryer
I just found a GIANT thermos of sangria in my sink. I don't know if its still good to drink, but its good to drink.
hand shaped bruises on both boobs again....i wish i could say this is the first time.
Nothing quite like coming out of an alcohol induced blackout walking down Spruill Avenue carrying a silver briefcase full of IT tools you don't know where they came from. This is my life.
He tried to take a picture of me naked but only got my ass. I don't know his name but if my butt is a guys wallpaper, that's the one I boned.
Filthy. I need to be power hosed with holy water.
Found the cure to anxiety attacks.
An orgasm
I genuinely attribute some of my blowjob skills to playing saxophone in highschool
I booty texted him nothing but three exclamation points at 3:05am and he was in my bed 17 minutes later, lest you think punctuation is not important.
I woke up at 3am, top off, with campus security telling me to get dressed. Tonight was a GOOD NIGHT
Randomize
